He describes himself as an average, well, we'll say "wiseacre," even though he didn't. He is an admittedly imperfect driver, has had an accident (his car was "rear-ended by a real nice old lady") and even received a speeding ticket for doing 52 mph in a 35-mph zone on Union Boulevard in Bay Shore one time at 3 a.m. - though he was never convicted. (The police officer didn't show up in court, he said.)

But, Paul McGovern said he sees drivers who are far worse than he. Who are inconsiderate, rude. Who lack common sense. "Who are idiots, 24-7," he said. So, though just 21, he decided to do something about it.

The result is a Web site that is his take on driving on Long Island. It is called "Road Wars." It features a list of what he views as the most common and annoying traffic infractions. It features pictures. And running commentary. It features an "Idiot Page."

It isn't quite Howard Stern meets Joe Suburban Driver. But, caution: It is rude and crude in places.

It also will make you laugh, because a lot of the observations are dead-on. From drivers who don't know how to enter a highway to those who believe it is their right to park wherever they want.

"I got my learner's permit at 16, my license at 17 and by 18 I was fed up with what I saw happening out there on the road," said McGovern, who lives with his parents and brother in Bay Shore and is a senior at Farmingdale State University of New York. "I guess everyone has a pet peeve," he said, "and bad drivers are one of mine. These people are so damn ridiculous I figured, 'Why not write about it?'"

So, he did. And does.

As McGovern writes on his home page: "Now, surely anyone with a license will recall the basics of proper driving etiquette ... i.e. don't speed like a nutcase, don't cut people off, red means stop ... However, what about other important rules, such as slower traffic keep right and signal when changing lanes? Apparently, an overwhelming amount of the drivers on Long Island ... never bothered to learn them. This is, as you might have figured out, the reason that this site now exists."

I learned about the site when McGovern sent me an e-mail following a column I wrote last week that was headlined "Caution: Dumb People Driving." In the e-mail, McGovern wrote: "I guess the problem is that the ones who are idiots don't even realize it, otherwise they'd do the honorable thing and change their ways. Sadly, no matter what any of us do or say, it seems like the drivers in our area will never improve ..."

He suggested I visit his site at http://driving .lamer.net. I did.

Some of the language is offensive. But I have to admit I couldn't stop laughing, because a lot of it echoed what a lot of drivers feel when they drive on Long Island.

"I had to vent," McGovern said. This is his version of road rage.

The site features his list of "Most common / annoying behavior." It includes: "Refusing to yield to faster traffic," "failing to signal when changing lanes," "waiting until the last second to move over for your exit," rubbernecking and high-beam usage.

It also has "less common / annoying behavior" and "other assorted rudeness / annoyances."

He dubs drivers driving below the speed limit in the left lane "left lane bandits." He writes of drivers who fail to signal: "Almost every day, I encounter a major dumb -- who thinks that the highways are his or her personal NASCAR event, weaving in and out of traffic and making a general fool out of his or her self."

He adds: "When you change lanes, or make a turn, put your damn blinker on. It doesn't make you uncool or stupid to signal your car's turns and lane changes, but it sure does make you uncool if you don't."

A self-confessed "computer geek," McGovern, who is majoring in computer information systems, began the Web site in October 2001. This after seeing numerous offenders on his daily commute to Stony Brook University, where he was a student. He began to photograph "stupid drivers" with a digital camera. He started a Web page called the "Nicolls Road Idiot Page." Now, he is considering a "Route 110 Idiot Page."

His parents rib him about the site - and about the fact that he is so opinionated about driving. "They say, 'Who do you think you are, some big-shot driver?'"

But, as he said: "The idea is just to let people know that the things they are doing out there might be annoying to somebody like me. I think that's what appeals to most people who visit the site. A lot of people agree with that sentiment."

That said, McGovern continues to drive around Long Island, digital camera in the car, looking to chronicle some of what he calls the "most-offensive drivers among us." Hoping, he said, that drivers will get the message.

"I'm sure a lot of these drivers really are idiots 24-7," he said. "It's just whether or not they end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, which is where I can see them." So, fellow drivers. Watch out.

[Illustration]
Caption: Newsday Photo / Mia Aigotti - Paul McGovern records drivers' bad moves with his digital camera, and rages about road rudeness on his Web Site.